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Originally Posted by Sultana
Hmmm, not her fault for not disclosing? I have to disagree. Yes, rape is of course highly traumatic, but enduring trauma does not excuse a person for refusing to deal with it, and getting others involved (married without disclosure).
I can understand the OP's feelings. He has to deal with his feelings now too. It may have been well-intentioned, but not telling your future partner about something like that, especially if one has not overcome the effects, is not honest (for lack of a better word).
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I agree. Before you marry someone you should be able to discuss almost anything, especially something as great a deal as this.
I'm sorry she went through that and that she hasn't found peace about it, I'm sure it's awful beyond comprehension. I can understand your sexual frustration with waiting for so long and then stumbling upon this. I think it's wonderful you're being so patient with her however she does need someone to tell her she can't sulk about this forever when it's negatively affecting the marriage. That's just not ok and it's not fair to you by any means. I'm sure she feels awful about it but it's just a big mental hurtle to get over for her. She'll grow from it and hopefully become a stronger person because of it.
Counseling. Also does she know who this a-hole is? If so press charges and get some retribution. That's just what I would do if someone did that to me and I could find them. That or blow them away with a 45. Let him get raped in prison before he does it other women.