For your wife:
If she does not have much firearms experience, she should have something simple, easy to operate, and easy to use (I.E. not intimidating, heavy, or lots of recoil).
I would recommend either a good, simple pistol or a pump shotgun with reduced recoil buckshot, depending on her personal preferences and comfort level.
Any firearm that she is comfortable holding and using in an emergency will be infinitely better than the super deadly cannon that she can't handle. Many women have trouble operating most revolvers due to the distance to the trigger and the force required for the double action trigger. Smith and Wesson makes a line of revolvers designed for women, if you want to go that route. There are many good automatic pistols available, just make sure whatever you buy fits her comfortably so she can pull the trigger and work the safety (if present) easily.
If she is not gun/defense oriented, I don't think you will have much luck getting her to practice reloading or effectively using a flashlight. My wife is willing to go shoot, and is comfortable using some of my firearms, but she is not about to practice using a flashlight while shooting, doing rapid reloads, etc. And to expect her to do so in an emergency would be a mistake. If she remembered the flashlight, she would likely not operate the weapon well as she would be screwing around with a light. A weapon-mounted light is an option, but while helpful isn't really necessary.
I leave a nightlight on in our hallway to keep this from being a problem. My wife can see well enough to ID and engage a bad guy, and doesn't have to worry about anything else.
For you: Crompsin's advice is dead on, though I personally don't see much value in a 9mm carbine, you get pistol performance out of a package the size of a real rifle.
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"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence
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