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I agree that this isn't about penetratOR versus penetratEE, but I also disagree that it's entirely cultural and learned.
Evolutionarily speaking, the the female of the species has much more invested in sex--they're the one carrying the offspring, caring for the children, etc. You could say that sex has the potential to cost the woman much more than it costs the man who, biologically, does the deed and his contribution is done.
Women are genetically programmed to have sex only in the context of a relationship in which the man will be sticking around, supporting her, being a provider. Men are genetically programmed to squirt their seed far and wide (try to get that image out of your head!).
That's not to say that men and women can't be just as capable of separating sex and love (though the desirability of that is debatable), just that there are certain genetic predispositions in the matter. It's like a genetic predisposition for cancer doesn't mean you'll get cancer, but it does say something about the odds.
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