Ring you naughty person. I know the depths of your evil. You train attach ferrets to infiltrate the UPS shipping centers in the week before Christmas and bite the zip codes off the shipping labels.
It's not evil that you teach them to recognize the scent of fruitcake and pee on those packages - that's actually a public service, along the lines of sticking a label on them reading, "WARNING: Package contains Fruitcake and/or Larks' Vomit."
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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