I'm not sure on this one. Every relationship has its story and the right decision for some is not the right decision for others.
My first thought is: are you able to discuss this concern of yours with him? Or are you afraid of what his reply may be?
If you are afraid of his response then I think maybe you already know it. You may be "happy" in your comfort, but perhaps there are underlying problems/issues that you need to solve together. Perhaps that happiness is only a product of lack of willingness to be confrontational. I don't think that is a good thing.
I know it's a cliché, but I do think that when you really fall for someone, you DO know that you don't care if they asked you to move in tomorrow, you might even go ahead and say yes as a first impulsive response. I only say this because I have had this experience, one where that did not happen, and one where it did. It really opened my eyes. I know which relationship was the strongest.
I'm not sure your issue really is marriage, perhaps it's not knowing what the future might be for the two of you? I hit that crossroads in a relationship I was in, and I came to the conclusion that my boyfriend's unwillingness to committ (to any sort of "plan" or future project together, no matter how much I told him this had importance to me) was indicative of how much he was willing to put into our relationship. And I had to decide that just wasn't enough for me.
I'm not saying throw it all away...but at least you should talk to him about it. Don't be too hard, just try and make him see that all you want is some reassurance for the future...maybe not a "wedding", but maybe an idea of what you can do in the future together. I don't think it's much to ask, after 4.5 years. If he's unwilling to offer you anything, I think that's quite selfish and you need to consider it may be that way for the rest of your lives "together".
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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