Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Dating makes me nervous--fix me

Sultana · 11-26-2007, 05:34 AM

Hi all!

Going through analog's dating definition thread made me realize that overall, the concept of dating makes me very nervous.

I've been asked out a few times by a few nice guys in the past couple of months, and I see that I tend to not jump into a definitive "yes or no" response, I don't nail down a date/time, I'm kinda, "ok, yeah, I'd like that..." but no initiation of closure.

A big part of that is I'd like to get to know someone *before* embarking on the dating process, but that just doesn't seem likely--the circles I run in (socially), I encounter (not in a sexual way, dork! :P ) people from all over the state, and so if someone is interested/interesting, I just don't really know when I may see them again without making a specific effort to do so (ie--a date).

[Related rant: On top of it, nearly every single guy (and these are actually nice guys who are now my friends, if not my date) who has asked me out/shown interest has also put the sex card out on the table Right Away. Sheesh! I am No Prude, but come on, I'm not gonna bang every guy who asks me out! I'm disappointed that at my stage of life (past 30...ok, past 35), even the nice guys that I like are still out to get what they can, and it's still up to me to be The Enforcer.]

So for instance, I am on the verge of making a date with (another) apparantly Nice Guy, and up until this point I've been easy-going, relaxed, having fun. Now that he's made his intentions very clear, I find myself getting nervous. What if he's clingy? (my #1 fear.) What if he's a psycho? (my #2 fear.) What if he...etc.

I guess, writing this out, I just have to be prepared at all times, with all guys, to be in control of the situation, and cut it off immediately if I'm not enjoying myself. I need to mentally keep myself in charge of the game, so that I can relax enough to enjoy it instead of feeling like I'm being dragged through it, at the mercy of the other person and their social adeptness or lack thereof.

If you guys have any other input though, I'd *really* appreciate it.

11-26-2007, 05:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	Dating makes me nervous--fix me Hi all! Going through analog's dating definition thread made me realize that overall, the concept of dating makes me very nervous. I've been asked out a few times by a few nice guys in the past couple of months, and I see that I tend to not jump into a definitive "yes or no" response, I don't nail down a date/time, I'm kinda, "ok, yeah, I'd like that..." but no initiation of closure. A big part of that is I'd like to get to know someone before embarking on the dating process, but that just doesn't seem likely--the circles I run in (socially), I encounter (not in a sexual way, dork! :P ) people from all over the state, and so if someone is interested/interesting, I just don't really know when I may see them again without making a specific effort to do so (ie--a date). [Related rant: On top of it, nearly every single guy (and these are actually nice guys who are now my friends, if not my date) who has asked me out/shown interest has also put the sex card out on the table Right Away. Sheesh! I am No Prude, but come on, I'm not gonna bang every guy who asks me out! I'm disappointed that at my stage of life (past 30...ok, past 35), even the nice guys that I like are still out to get what they can, and it's still up to me to be The Enforcer.] So for instance, I am on the verge of making a date with (another) apparantly Nice Guy, and up until this point I've been easy-going, relaxed, having fun. Now that he's made his intentions very clear, I find myself getting nervous. What if he's clingy? (my #1 fear.) What if he's a psycho? (my #2 fear.) What if he...etc. I guess, writing this out, I just have to be prepared at all times, with all guys, to be in control of the situation, and cut it off immediately if I'm not enjoying myself. I need to mentally keep myself in charge of the game, so that I can relax enough to enjoy it instead of feeling like I'm being dragged through it, at the mercy of the other person and their social adeptness or lack thereof. If you guys have any other input though, I'd really appreciate it. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.