ottopilot

I'm not a total furball, but I have some body hair. Not too much though ...and I do take care of the ear and nose hair on a regular basis... but some folks are just a little too obsessed (IMO) regarding body-hair.

We go boating every year with a group of mutual friends. This one couple is always talking about their sexual habits, working out, and "grooming" details. We all generally nod and say things like "oh really" and "I'll have to try that" and "hey, I hear Dave installed a new bilge pump" ... basically trying to change the conversation.

Last year, we were at this flotilla party in the middle of a lake with several boats tied side to side. My wife (I mean my "hot, young-looking wife'... she's reading this and I should point out her "hotness"... anyway...) was floating nearby talking to some friends, and I was standing on our swim platform drinking a beer. This guy makes his way over and starts talking about boats, work, ... and then comments on how I'd really show more definition (muscle tone) if I shaved my abdominal hair, "thinned out" my chest hair, and .... shaved my toes (toes??).

I just kind of raised my (poorly tweezed) eyebrow and slowly looked around to see if anyone was listening. It must have gotten my wife's attention because she stopped talking with her friends and began paddling in. I responded with, "It really doesn't matter that much to me ...besides, my wife likes my body hair".

Just then, his wife came over (wearing the non-family-outing-appropriate thong ... "Daddy, is Sherry's butt hungry?") and they both politely began describing in detail how they thought I should consider grooming specific body hair details. Apparently they have had "discussions" on my behalf.

They wanted to reassure me that they didn't think I was too hairy, but thought I might consider some uncomfortably specific grooming techniques. He apparently shaves his "zone", ass, hands, fingers, feet and toes. He also strategically thins out armpits, chest, forearms, legs, eyebrows, etc. His wife explained in kind regarding her pieces-parts. They also proudly mentioned that their teenage boys are "groomers" as well.

My wife was getting closer. We made eye contact...

The conversation continued until my wife made it on to our boat. They quickly updated her on the topic and enthusiastically told her about all their grooming ideas. She looked at them like they were insane and just started laughing. Then said...

..."don't you think all this obsessive male grooming borders on being totally gay?"

It got ugly from there ...that's my girl!