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Here's a thought: apologize for being an ass. She knows you were being an ass, you know you were being an ass, the flowers were nice, but an apology is a better step. Next step, state your intentions about her clearly. Tell her that you like her, but you respect that these things take time. Then back off and give her some space.
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Personally I agree with this to. This girl poured her heart out to you and you got defensive and angry then ignored her for a week or so, how would you feel if the situations were reversed?
Would you instantly forgive her for ignoring you and hurting you that way because she gave you a birthday present (giving the flowers ON her birthday removes them from being an apology gift) and a letter?
Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you to your face because she knows / thinks the conversation you had over AIM is going to be repeated and she's not good with conflict?
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It hurts right now because I feel like I deserved a better response.
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When she was honest with you about how afraid she was to start a relationship she probably got hurt and thought she deserved a better response to.