Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Shauk · 10-30-2007, 04:12 PM

ok so heres the deal. I finally got my head around her perspective.

heres her side.

she wanted me to move out here so we could get back together
she did not feel she had any pressure or obligation to make sure that it happened, only that it would be "possible" if the mood struck us.
she did what a single woman would do and hung out with guys she was interested in regardless.
she had sex with one of them, and thought she may have gotten pregnant.
Upon getting here she told me because she was still interested in getting back together, and thought things would be nasty if all of a sudden 3 months later I'm going "what the hell is that?" and for her "secret" to come out that way
She had no intention of telling me about anything else, nor was she obligated to do so, because we're not together.

this, actually makes sense to me. She told me about ONE thing, but i found out about EVERYTHING.

Because I straight up told her, she had no reason to tell me any of this except if she wanted to hurt me.

she only admitted to it after a while because she couldn't live with lying to me.

the only real issue I'd have at this point with her wanting to get back together with me is that her texts that I read when I flipped out, said that she'd choose him if he'd only have her back.

*shrug*

all the same though, I really should just not be so fucking attatched to the outcome of a potential relationship with her. It's just hard to differentiate between who she was for 5 years (mine) vs who she is now (not mine)

I treat her actions as though if we were still together and it just makes things go bad, because ultimately, she has expressed that she wants to make that decision, not me. Strangely enough, it's what I also asked for, I just seem to have forgotten that in my impatience.

I always have said, I want her to come back to me when she feels she's making the choice to come back to me, not out of convenience, not out of surrender (she wanted to move back to Idaho to be with me and I told her no).

Honestly, I try very had to put myself in her perspective and it makes sense, you just have to emotionally detach yourself to see it I guess.

her ex blew the lid on all of this. Had it simply been "yeah I had sex before you moved over here, I may be pregnant, and I wanted to tell you because I want to get back together with you, but don't want to have a nasty surprise" I could at least go "ok, well she was honest at least"

She's not in a hurry to get back together with me, she knows she's confused, and I'm the one putting all the pressure on it, she just feels whatever happens will happen.

I don't know that it will happen, not with her being hung up on her ex.

I can't deal with that. I don't have a problem going out and getting a different girlfriend, moving out and setting things up for whatever I feel like doing in Seattle. I understand her perspective though, it just means that the time isn't right, may never be, and I just need to stop caring so much about the outcome of our interaction.

10-30-2007, 04:12 PM	#51 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	ok so heres the deal. I finally got my head around her perspective. heres her side. she wanted me to move out here so we could get back together she did not feel she had any pressure or obligation to make sure that it happened, only that it would be "possible" if the mood struck us. she did what a single woman would do and hung out with guys she was interested in regardless. she had sex with one of them, and thought she may have gotten pregnant. Upon getting here she told me because she was still interested in getting back together, and thought things would be nasty if all of a sudden 3 months later I'm going "what the hell is that?" and for her "secret" to come out that way She had no intention of telling me about anything else, nor was she obligated to do so, because we're not together. this, actually makes sense to me. She told me about ONE thing, but i found out about EVERYTHING. Because I straight up told her, she had no reason to tell me any of this except if she wanted to hurt me. she only admitted to it after a while because she couldn't live with lying to me. the only real issue I'd have at this point with her wanting to get back together with me is that her texts that I read when I flipped out, said that she'd choose him if he'd only have her back. shrug all the same though, I really should just not be so fucking attatched to the outcome of a potential relationship with her. It's just hard to differentiate between who she was for 5 years (mine) vs who she is now (not mine) I treat her actions as though if we were still together and it just makes things go bad, because ultimately, she has expressed that she wants to make that decision, not me. Strangely enough, it's what I also asked for, I just seem to have forgotten that in my impatience. I always have said, I want her to come back to me when she feels she's making the choice to come back to me, not out of convenience, not out of surrender (she wanted to move back to Idaho to be with me and I told her no). Honestly, I try very had to put myself in her perspective and it makes sense, you just have to emotionally detach yourself to see it I guess. her ex blew the lid on all of this. Had it simply been "yeah I had sex before you moved over here, I may be pregnant, and I wanted to tell you because I want to get back together with you, but don't want to have a nasty surprise" I could at least go "ok, well she was honest at least" She's not in a hurry to get back together with me, she knows she's confused, and I'm the one putting all the pressure on it, she just feels whatever happens will happen. I don't know that it will happen, not with her being hung up on her ex. I can't deal with that. I don't have a problem going out and getting a different girlfriend, moving out and setting things up for whatever I feel like doing in Seattle. I understand her perspective though, it just means that the time isn't right, may never be, and I just need to stop caring so much about the outcome of our interaction.