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Originally Posted by Martian
Wow. No.
No, no, no, no, no.
In a successful, healthy relationship communication is important. This relationship is neither. Further, if we take the above transcript as complete and accurate for simplicity's sake, her remorse is part of what makes this girl so dangerous. She shows absolutely no indication of having any idea whatsoever what she wants and instead of handling the situation in a mature and responsible manner (ie, taking some time to figure shit out) she's acting with absolutely no forethought or consideration for the people around her. She is an emotional loose cannon and if she continues to behave in this way she will eventually self-destruct. It would be very unwise for anyone to do anything other than get the fuck out of the way while they still can.
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A couple of things here.
1.) I don't understand your "This girl shows no remorse" remark. On numerous occassions she states how she didn't-- And doesn't-- Want to hurt Shauk, signaling she has at least a bit of remorse for what she's done.
2.) I said this earlier, but there's no better way to work out conflicts then to talk about them. But that's virtually impossible when one person doesn't wish to listen to what the other has to say, or comes off as stand-off'ish ("What the fuck is this for?" and "Fine" display an unwillingness to talk).
3.) I doubt this girl is a loose cannon. I've known loose cannons and she doesn't seem to fit the bill. If anything, she seems to be going through a bit of a transition in trying to figure out what she wants in life. You can't exactly hold that against her, can you? Personally, I wouldn't. A person can't change if you don't let them change.
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I don't see him accusing her being anything she's not. He's confronting her with her actions. She's going to pay the consequences, so long as our friend Shauk can stay the course. It's not his responsibility to fix her, or put up with her shit. He has every right to be upset and she has no defense (and indeed, does not offer one).
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It appears to me that Shauk is getting a free pass simply because he's known around TFP... No one said he doesn't have a right to be angry. Being angry, however, doesn't justify being beligerent. If I so wanted, I could confront my ex and call her a two-timing, cheating, bonafide whore and I'd be 100% right. But what would that accomplish? Aside from possibly pissing her off and causing an otherwise unecessary argument, nothing (I should know). Hurt feelings shouldn't be an excuse for overt abrasiveness. If they were, then conflicts would never be resolved. Constructive communication is always better than destructive communication. I'd be willing to bet that if both parties were willing to sit down and talk to each other without the finger pointing and accusations that things would, if nothing else, be a lot less stressful.
Anyway, where on Earth-- Or should I say TFP-- Did you ever see me say that Shauk should attempt to fix his ex-girlfriend?
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Also, no.
Repeat after me:
Real life is not a romantic comedy. People do not have a single epiphany and change overnight.
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Well, for one, I never mentioned anything about overnight change. If you re-read what I typed out, you'd notice that I said it's entirely possible that she doesn't like the person she's become/wants to work the relationship out. You'd be surprised at how many people have an 'epiphany', as you want to call it, overnight. I have, I'm sure you have and I'm sure a lot of people reading this thread have. But, really, there's no use in trying to qualify other people's experiences.
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If she doesn't like who she's become, that is quite frankly her problem. If she loses opportunities due to it, she has nobody to blame but herself. And if she wants to change, then it's up to her to do so. Talk is cheap and she can't even get that right...
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No one's ever said that she didn't have to fix her own problems, but she has to-- At the very least-- Be allowed to fix them without being belittled along the way. And, yes, I'll agree that talk, without action, is cheap.
As this is a fact, I don't see what's wrong with this comment.
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I care about you, I just don't think of us as a couple...
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This isn't a knock on you, per se, but I absolutely hate it when people only quote part of a sentence. I'd just like to point out to you that you left out the words "Right now". Once again, I don't see what's wrong with this comment, as they're not a couple "Right now".
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i know, it's fucked up, you're right, it's all a power trip
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If you come out swinging in an argument, you can back almost anyone into a corner and have them admit to just about anything you want to. I'm sure we've all had arguments in which we've accused the other party of being something they're not, only to have them respond with "You're totally right". It doesn't mean that you are, in fact, right, but rather that they don't see the point in arguing with you when you've already made up your mind regarding the person they are. Sure, I might be reading into her comments a bit, but I think I'm overall right.
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I don't want you to leave
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...What's wrong with this comment? She's expressing her feelings. How's that a bad thing...?
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im not over him, I fucking hate him, I told him all that shit and did all of it to make him jealous
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Admitting to one's faults doesn't make you crazy or a psycho. It means you're able to take responsibility for your actions.
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There's no consistency here; she's all over the map. She can't decide what she wants, so she keeps swinging back and forth and shows absolutely no regard for anyone else involved. This is not a relationship that's worth fixing. Never mind even the picture her actions say and whether or not she'd be willing to back up any assertions of wanting to salvage things. Continuing to put effort into this is a losing proposition.
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I'm still wondering how she's all over the map. The only thing your quotes did were to assert that:
1.) They're not in a relationship at the moment and
2.) She's made some mistakes.
It's seems readily apparent to me what she wants. She wants Shauk. I get the feeling that because Shauk has been posting about his ex for quite some time now that most people have already demonized her in their minds and, as a result, have painted her as the 'bad guy'.
*Shrugs*
Not to say that might not be true but, from what I've read, it definitely doesn't seem true. No one's perfect. Everyone makes mistakes-- Some people moreso than others. That doesn't mean that she isn't serious about the things she says. As I said earlier, it appears to me that the only reason this relationship isn't going to work is because Shauk doesn't want it to work.
Think about this; If Shauk didn't care about his ex-girlfriend, then he wouldn't post about her so much. Just food for thought.