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Originally Posted by soma
dirtyrascal7: Yeah, channeling depression into something positive really doesn't make sense. Let me try to be more clear. Hrm... I think it's more of a "I'll show her" mentality. Is that healthy? I don't know. But it has been motivating the shit out of me to improve myself so I'm going to stick with it.  |
Sure, that is definitely a highly effective form short-term motivation... but just know that it will be (and should be) only temporary. In the long run, you should focus on improving yourself because it is something that
you value. That will bring you much greater satisfaction and you will be able to sustain your happiness regardless of external factors.
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Originally Posted by soma
EDIT: one more thing. It has been really therapeutic to think of her as a good well meaning person. I know it sounds strange, but when I have bitter thoughts about her, I feel awfully hurt. But when I remind myself that she is a decent person, it's a like a big burden is lifted off my shoulders. When we were dating, we definitely had our problems, but she was a decent person and that hasn't changed. I'm depressed that our relationship is over, but that's just how things went. I guess.
I think this is similar to how people who hold grudges against others are going to be bitter and mad and just can't let go of all of the negative emotion. But people who can forgive move on and are much happier off. Even though forgiving seems like more of a compromise and bowing to the other person, it is really more beneficial than holding a grudge. cool!
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I believe there is some definite truth to what you're saying here. Thinking of her in a negative light might help you turn your back on her a little easier, but like I said earlier... I think it undermines all the time and energy you invested into the relationship. If you can think of her so negatively now, what were you doing with her for so long?
If you keep on the track that you are, you should be able to develop the necessary separation needed to move on and apply what you've learned. Keep us updated!
