Right...seems like this thread has turned into something completely different to what it was intended
Although, i believe it's a good thing and I have learned so much in all regards to doing what I plan to do.
The aim of this thread was to ask for advice and I am so thnkful for the advice as well as the constructive criticism that I have recieved from all of you.
Gosh Cromp...seems you really had a tough time with your wife and I can respect that fact.
Marrrlee, I am so sorry for what happened to you. But I have to believe that this will be good for all three of us...mostly because I want it so badly and I know Healer does too.
I understand there are major risks involved in this but it's one both of us are willing to take.
I know healer loves and respects me and I suppose that will just have to be enough for now. I trust him completely and i suppose that will just have to be enough for him.
and that's not to say that either of you felt this way at the begining of your relationships or rather married life? ... and that too is also a big factor for me which is why i want to do it before we get married...because I do want to speng the rest of my however many years with healer and he in turn is always telling me how badly he wants that to and i believe him with all my heart.
putting yourself out there like that is a risk in itself...and that i can clearly see from the examples some of you have brought forth and through your experiences.
But I have to believe that we are strong enough to get past anything, because it's not the fact that healer did'nt have the opportunity to cheat on me because there were ample, especially when he lived 350 kilometers away on his own...always in hotels and bed and breakfasts, and even though he might have been lonely in that time and even now he might get the urge or whatever...the fact is that he chooses not to act on them.
and that in my book is a most admirable trait in a person. I cant emphasise how much i trust this man and how much i love, care for and respect him.
And the only reason I'm reiterating all this is not so as to convince myself that it's true, but rather to remind myself that it is. And I know some might say why would she need reminding if she feels so stongly about it, well for the simple reason that it is a big step in our relationship that could cause major ramifications.
but if i dont have the belief that things will be okay, what do i have? Paranoia? Insecurity? those two feelings were stitched into my head for a period but not because of healer but because i'd been hurt before...a good many times over again...
but i havnt lived like that in a long long time and i'm all the better for it.