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Originally Posted by Johnny Rotten
Try it some time.
Treated hypothetically, it's an isolated incident where someone had more to offer than you did. In practice, it triggers behavior patterns that reduce trust and communication. It makes you wonder if this was merely the first time you found out. It makes you wonder where she really might be going every time she walks out the door, and who she's talking to when she's on the phone. This speculation can and will feed on itself.
Then maybe she starts getting angry and defensive. Maybe in the heat of argument, she'll blame you for causing it to happen. How thick is your skin? How sure are you of yourself? You'll find out.
It's not just a monogamous agreement. It's not a contract, either. It's a relationship founded on a reasonable expectation of monogamy. It's two people trying to stick together in the world. Once the foundation goes, what's left? What is it that you're still doing at that point?
To me, the very basis of a relationship is that you're being chosen over the others.
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I agree completely. I would break up with her on the spot; I wasn't somehow saying that I'd be upset but okay with it, just that I wouldn't blame the guy. It'd be a violation of the contract, and I would therefore withdraw my (voluntary) participation in it. Particularly since I've given all my girlfriends the option to amend the contract to allow them to have sex with other people, provided they notify me first.
And frozen; at this point I wouldn't recommend doing anything with the girl. While I might hold the belief that it's not the other person's responsibility, this line of thought is definitely in the minority. Most people cannot separate the two, and would hold the guy just as responsible. And if you think that physical violence is on the line, it's really not a great idea to push it, in my experience.