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Originally Posted by JinnKai
In short:If my girlfriend fucks another guy without my permission, I will be mad at her. I will wonder why she decided to break an monogamous agreement with me, and I will be upset that she cares so little for my feelings. I wouldn't hold it against the guy at all. He obviously convinced her that he had something I didn't, so more power to him!
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Try it some time.
Treated hypothetically, it's an isolated incident where someone had more to offer than you did. In practice, it triggers behavior patterns that reduce trust and communication. It makes you wonder if this was merely the first time you found out. It makes you wonder where she really might be going every time she walks out the door, and who she's talking to when she's on the phone. This speculation can and will feed on itself.
Then maybe she starts getting angry and defensive. Maybe in the heat of argument, she'll
blame you for causing it to happen. How thick is your skin? How sure are you of yourself? You'll find out.
It's not just a monogamous agreement. It's not a contract, either. It's a relationship founded on a reasonable expectation of monogamy. It's two people trying to stick together in the world. Once the foundation goes, what's left? What is it that you're still doing at that point?
To me, the very basis of a relationship is that you're two people choosing each other over the others.
(Edited for clarity.)