MrFriendly

I've touched on this subject once or twice before in other threads. But I saw something on the train the other day that really made me think about this issue quite a lot lately.

While sitting on the train to the city wearing my hoody and listening to my mp3 player, my player ran out of batteries, and could now only hear a conversation between a farther and son sitting behind me. I believe they were to only other people in the carriage.

Without going into huge detail, the son more or less came out to his father on the train. Ok, so this I had to listen to, I'm a bit of a voyer like that. What the fathered had to say warmed my heart.

"Yeah, we've suspected for a while."

"You mean, you're not upset about it?" The son replies surprised.

"Why would we be upset? You are who you are, and you're our son, we love you."

Truly a Kodak moment.

The problem with this is, attitudes like that really aren't wide spread or accepted nearly enough.

I went to an all boys Catholic school where macho Rugbe culture and homophobia was strongly ingrained. The affects this had on a lot of boys and young men that went there were pretty damaging. The attitudes a lot of guys had towards women I found somewhat disturbing. But it almost seems as though these attitudes were formed as a cover so that their pears wouldn't accuse them of being gay.

Looking back on it, it all seems a little bit pathetic really, but keep in mind this was the environment these young to late teens were growing up in. Adolescence is damn confusing even for the best of us.

What I have observed in my life is that a lot of guys are naturally curious to explore their sexuality with other guys. What I have observed is that a lot of guys want to communicate their feelings. What I have observed is that a lot of guys have an effeminate side. What I have observed is that most of these guys are simply too scared to ever explore this side of themselves, to express what they feel, and embrace who they are. This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sexuality either.

It always seems to come back to what we're told is to be expected of men, as men. This idea of what a man is, and how they are to prove their manliness. Essentially, the macho culture bullshit that gets rammed down your throats from day one depending on where you're from.

A lot of the time, this is something a lot of guys will grow to reject as they feel more comfortable in and of themselves. The trouble is, far too many young men aren't making it that far. Far too many young men are taking their own lives.

Australia has one of the highest rates of youth suicide of any other developed nation, and I believe it's only second to Japan, or was. The group at the highest risk of youth suicide are young men. Within that group, young men most at risk of suicide are young men who grow up in the country, and young men entering a trade. The Australian Bureau of Statistics can't exactly find out why these young men kill themselves, it's not like they can collect suicide notes or ask the dead.

So why, are the young men in my country killing themselves it such alarming rates?

Well, I'll address young men in the country first.

Although Australia has come leaps and bounds in accepting homosexuality and gay culture, this attitude can not be found widely in the country or bush. Where, for the most part, a strong macho men-of-the-land and a strong homophobic culture still exists. But it must be noted, life in the Australian country side is fucking tough. This country suffers from constant drought, most townships are very remote and small in population, and our government has constantly failed at delivering adequate services and recourses such as health and education to the bush and country.

All the while, the media people in the country receive is mostly from the big cities, and start to feel they're missing out on all the latest things they either can't afford or simply can't get a hold of. And if you're a young man on the land, especially if you grow up on a farm, there is a strong expectation for you to work, and work hard.

You can imagine what it would be like for any young man who didn't fit the macho mold. For any young man who doesn't really have any interest in going to the local pub, every night, to piss all their money away on booze. Life in such small communities can become very difficult when people decide there is something wrong with you.

Although these attitudes are slowly starting to change, as more and more young people leave the country to live in the cities, the problem still exists, and the young suicide is still getting worse in the country.

Now, lets take a look at young men entering a trade.

When I was a young lad, I didn't really have good enough grades to get into university to do Electronics, and while at school I was doing a practical trade course as an Electrician. I found it something I was pretty good at, and started to seriously think about becoming an Electrician. Being a good sparky or tradesman in Australia can be a license to print money if you work hard. My mind quickly changed however, when I started to go out on site to get experience.

The work was fine, tough, but I still liked it. What I had serious problems with was the way I was treated. I copped a lot of harassment from blokes simply for who I was, because I didn't really follow the football, because of the music I liked, because I didn't like to go out every night and try to fuck any chick that walked near me. I'm an eccentric and effeminate guy, and I'm not going to change who I am because some people don't like that.

I stood my ground, I dished shit back to them, and most of all, I did my job to the best of my ability. After a time I had earned respect and was left alone, even accepted. But it had made me decide that this kind of industry wasn't for me.

The problem is, the kind of harassment I copped was fuck all compared what other young apprentice tradesmen have received, a problem that even the media here has started to catch on to. We're not talking about you're normal hazing antics where you get asked to find the left handed screw drivers or to go next door to get a bucket of steam. We're talking about a ridiculous amount of incidents that have resulted in people being charge for indecent assault, businesses being shut down for sever mistreatment and misconduct of staff, so on and so forth.

These things are done because these young men are expected to put up with it. They're expected to prove themselves, stand strong, and dish it all back. I think there's something wrong with that attitude when so many young men either choose to take their own life, or attempted to take the lives of their coworkers.

You might argue what this has to do with sexuality, but this has everything to do with sexuality. Being subjected to these environments will greatly influence a persons willingness or ability to communicate their feelings, to express and be comfortable with who they are, to accept others for who they are, and be open minded about their sexuality. Why would you even dare when doing so would result in constant harassment day in, and day out?

For any young man who knows that they have a side to them, trying so desperately to ignore or hide it because it's driven into them that it is wrong, this layer of stress can be the tipping point.

What I have offered here today is just a perspective. It is specific to the things I've noticed and experienced. I would encourage all of you regardless of sex, sexual orientation, and location, to offer your own perspective, experiences, thoughts and theories on macho culture and its various affects on people.

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