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I would say that the dealbreaker is not that she is obese, but that she has the character flaw of not being able to deal with her own situation and take responsibility for where she's at. It would be like if you were with a person who was unwilling to go to counseling for help with depression, etc. After a certain length of time, that just becomes a dealbreaker. As long as it's about the character flaw and not about her appearance in itself, I don't think you're a heartless bastard.
That said, I think you should give her a timeline to get back on track with her weight management. Postpone your wedding (when is it supposed to happen?), because that's still ALWAYS cheaper than getting a divorce in the long run, and tell her that you need to see her making attempts to improve her health. If she doesn't make changes by X reasonable date, I would say you have been fair enough and you can move on with a clean(er) conscience. Just plain dumping her without giving her a clear directive and chance to change is assholish, but not if you lay it out in a caring and honest manner.
Now, the important question is, let's say she does start exercising regularly and makes a lot of effort to lose weight, but she doesn't get down to an "ideal" size for you. Are you still going to be happy with that? I would hope that the issue is really about her *trying* to lose weight, rather than her appearance in itself. But if you're really just about wanting to bang hot, skinny chicks, and it's not about character at all... well, you might as well be honest and break it off cleanly right now, because that's not going to change. She may never be hot and skinny, but she might try harder to stay in shape. Will that be good enough for you?
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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