analog

Some people are getting very charged up over the idea of telling the truth; it's kind of funny.

I disagree. It's ok though, because my opinion of "brutal honesty" doesn't require anyone's approval on that point. It was just an analogy to help explain the main point, which is that there are many ways to say anything, but the way it's taken by the listener is motivated by your phrasing.

Kind of like saying, "those pants aren't very flattering" vs "those pants don't look good on you". They both get across the point that you don't like it and it doesn't look good on the person, but the former is more likely to spare the feelings of the listener. The point of the "brutal honesty" is that you say whichever it is that occurs to you to say. So if you think "those pants don't look good on you", you say THAT instead of re-translating it into something you deem more palatable.

I'm sorry it's not being explained in a way that you can understand. Maybe it'd be easier to ask open-ended questions rather than make closed-ended statements of judgment, like calling people narcissistic assholes. You don't indicate a willingness to communicate with us, you indicate a feeling of moral, ethical, or social superiority because you are of the differing opinion that it is more moral, ethical, or socially responsible to filter everything you say. That's fine, but you leave no room for others' opinions, which is what turns conversations into arguments.

I dislike that your differing opinion seems to give you a sense of entitlement to call other people narcissistic assholes, just for disagreeing on what you, yourself, called saying the same thing, using "different words". You either aren't seeing the difference in nuance, or don't want to concede that they are, indeed, saying two different things to the listener.

The message received may be the same, but the perception of the tone in the message is driven entirely by those "different words"- and the tone can mean everything when the listener is deciding whether or not to be offended/hurt, as in:

Your ass is too big for those pants.
vs
Those pants aren't very flattering.

[analog note: this post was messed up due to an accidental mod edit instead of quote, so it's a little out of context and maybe random at times, because things I originally quoted are missing. Oh well, most of you have already read it by now anyway, probably.]