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Cynthetiq · 09-26-2007, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedmedia

sorry, dude, but there is absolutely no difference between these two, you just used different words.

It's really presumptuous and, yeah, rude to assume that anyone needs your criticism or approval for the way they choose to dress.

And I can think of very few instances where the words 'I think you're fat' can be used in a constructive way. Do you suppose people who are fat have failed to notice that they are fat? Do you supppose they are under the impression that it is healthy to be fat?

I appreciate that the motivation behind the theory purported in this article is deeper than the notion of 'saying everything that pops into your head.' But, the way I've seen the theory explained here pretty much looks like an attempt to validate being a narcissistic prick who mistakes their notions for honesty.

ooh, pardon my brutal honesty there...

Again, this isn't about just looks. This goes down to things like, invitations out on nights you are too tired or too broke to do so. It's "easier" to make up an excuse rather than say the real honest reasons like, "I've not been sleeping well, I'm too tired to go out tonight." "I can't afford it, gas prices going up and unexpected flat tire put me over my budget." or plain "I just don't want to go out with you tonight." No we make up "fashionable excuses" like "Sorry, it's a work night, I've got to get up early," meanwhile you tell people stories of how you stay up late at night all the time.

Telling someone what you are feeling with honesty is being assertive. Asserting your own needs and desires into the fold without compromising the relationship. Being an asshole tends to compromise relationships.

Why bite your tongue? why withhold your opinion. This is part of what this place is supposed to be, to be honest yet still respectful.

IMO some of the discussion in this very thread is just the means and mechanism as to how TFP has lost some of it's edge.

In fact it's very much a part of why the Abiline paradox is what it is:

Quote:

On a hot afternoon visiting in Coleman, Texas, the family is comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father-in-law suggests that they take a trip to Abilene [53 miles north] for dinner. The wife says, "Sounds like a great idea." The husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thinks that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and says, "Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go." The mother-in-law then says, "Of course I want to go. I haven't been to Abilene in a long time."
The drive is hot, dusty, and long. When they arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad. They arrive back home four hours later, exhausted.

One of them dishonestly says, "It was a great trip, wasn't it." The mother-in-law says that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other three were so enthusiastic. The husband says, "I wasn't delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you." The wife says, "I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that." The father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others might be bored.

The group sits back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.