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Originally Posted by Ustwo
I think what you just said is that its better to settle to be a #2 than risk not being a #1.
Few men would go for that sort of thing, or be happy with it at least. Women are, as a group, more open to it, but even then all things being equal most would rather be the #1. Now what I used to think poly meant was there was no #2, everyone was #1 so to speak and I thought that sounded great, but once I got to meet poly's and read what they had to say I got introduced to the whole 'primary' thing which seems very 'un-poly' to me. Under the right circumstance I'd be willing to have another woman live with us and honestly my wife would be to if the circumstances were 'right'. That being said I'd have a 17 year history with my wife, she would always be '#1' regardless by default, we have to much of a past together so while someone new could be loved, she couldn't be 'equal'.
I would have to wonder if we would be doing this hypothetical female a real favor in the long run, preventing her from really finding what we as a couple have together.
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Ok, that came out a bit bad.. What I was trying to say was that (this is my own personal speculation on the subject btw. I have only what the few poly people I have had the pleasure of talking to, to go on in this matter. So please take it with a truckload of salt) if you have a poly relationship you define the relationship and the love for your partners in that context, the primary is simply a word for the person with which you have the most stable relationship.
If egotistical love (maybe a bad term for it), the kind that is most common in our species enters into such a relationship, Infinite Looser's prediction would be the ultimate end of it.
But if I interpret Ratbastid and Lurkette (as well as the other polys I have had the honor of talking to) right it is that the love you form in poly relationships is a bit different from this since it is formed in the poly context. Different, not more or less, higher or lower, better or crappier (err. dang language barrier...) just different from what we commonly hold as Love.
I really hope I didn't step on anyones toes in this, as I said in the beginning, this is just my own speculations but I hope to spark some more input from the polys in here as this is a very interesting subject. If I'm wrong in my speculations I humbly ask that you point it out to me...