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Originally Posted by Ustwo
Since she is the one with the low libido, look at yourself in the mirror. Are you still the guy she married or have you let yourself go more? I once read a post from a woman who was well overweight yet she refused to date men who were. Some called it a double standard but it was what was attractive to her.
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I let myself go a little (5'11" and 200 pounds a few years ago), but with changes we've made in diet and lifting weights on my part I'm in great health and probably more attractive in the eyes of most women than I've ever been (translation: I used to be thinner than what I believe most women prefer. Through a combination of food, less exercise and age I put on too much fat to be called skinny, but not so much that I viewed myself as fat. After changing my diet and increasing exercise I became what I considered to be too skinny again. I started eating more healthy foods and lifting weights, and now I feel I'm in the best shape I've ever been in.)
This was actually disturbing to her a little because she hasn't made as much progress with the weight loss she needs to do.
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Then I'd worry about her physical health. I know when you are sick, at least when I am sick, your sex drive goes to nothing. Your body doesn't want to deal with that sort of thing and turns it off, it has more important things to deal with. I got very sick a couple of years ago with an infection that took 2 full months to beat, and one of the more troubling side effects was I had absolutely NO sex drive. For someone as oversexed as I am, to just not care I found very disturbing and even wondered if it might be a permanent change.
You say shes always been overweight and is a type II diabetic. Her body can't be in good shape, and I'm not talking about being fat, but being under stress. Her system is basically failing and the diabetic drugs don't make it all go away, they just keep it in check. Chronic stress like that is NOT good for anyones sex drive.
Rather than approach it as a sex problem (your problem) approach it as a health problem and you are worried about her, hell you should be worried about her. By getting in better physical shape, perhaps that sex drive will return, at the very least, even if thats not the issue she will be better off.
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I guess being a man I tend to comparmentalize. I tend to view our finances, her wieght/health, and our sex life as three separate issues. But for her they are more connected. This is frustrating to me because for finances, I can envision steps 1,2,3 to address them. Her health issues also involve steps, but I have no control over them, since she doesn't want me to be her food & exercise police. Her libido is completely outside of my control. I can cook dinner, vacuum, do massages, bring flowers, etc. She appreciates these things, but that appreciation does not translate into libido.