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Originally Posted by Racnad
Reply to Ustwo: My wife is overweight - but that's not the issue - at least with me. She was overweight when we met, and she currently weighs less than some previous periods when we more sexually active. When she is in the mood that turns me on. But when she has no libido, that is a turn-off for me. Every one to two months she decides it's not fair to enforce celebacy on me and shhe initiates, but it's mostly about getting me hard enough and her wet enough so I can get it in and finish. As long as I climax in her vagina I can't say that "we never have sex." She's not into it and it makes it difficult for me to get into it. But she feels that my expectation of a 39 year old spouse who still looks forward to being in bed with her husband and enjoys having sex in a variety of positions and places is not realistic. (BTW, we don't have kids so the biggest competition for time is the TV - and we have TiVo so the TV can wait.)
This poll shows differently though.
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As I said its not fat being the issue but attraction. If you were fine with her before then you would be fine with her now, and really you aren't the one putting off sex so its a moot point there.
Now obviously sex being chemical there are a LOT of potential issues that can mess with that, so perhaps I'm going to be off base here but I'd say to look in two directions equally. One for her and one for you.
Since she is the one with the low libido, look at yourself in the mirror. Are you still the guy she married or have you let yourself go more? I once read a post from a woman who was well overweight yet she refused to date men who were. Some called it a double standard but it was what was attractive to her.
Then I'd worry about her physical health. I know when you are sick, at least when I am sick, your sex drive goes to nothing. Your body doesn't want to deal with that sort of thing and turns it off, it has more important things to deal with. I got very sick a couple of years ago with an infection that took 2 full months to beat, and one of the more troubling side effects was I had absolutely NO sex drive. For someone as oversexed as I am, to just not care I found very disturbing and even wondered if it might be a permanent change.
You say shes always been overweight and is a type II diabetic. Her body can't be in good shape, and I'm not talking about being fat, but being under stress. Her system is basically failing and the diabetic drugs don't make it all go away, they just keep it in check. Chronic stress like that is NOT good for anyones sex drive.
Rather than approach it as a sex problem (your problem) approach it as a health problem and you are worried about her, hell you should be worried about her. By getting in better physical shape, perhaps that sex drive will return, at the very least, even if thats not the issue she will be better off.