Racnad

When sexual harassment was big in the media about 15 years ago, I was concerned because in the over-simplified way the media described it, if a guy asked a woman on a date and she said no it's harassment. But when I read more about it, I don't have a problem with it.

As I understand it, no punitive action is taken unless 1) the person being harassed has asked the harasser to stop, and 2) the behavoir continued after the request to stop. As you have pointed out, anyone with basic social skills can tell if someone is receptive to the kind of interest you're showing a person, and if that interest makes the person uncomfortable, the behavoir should stop. I've also read that much sexual harassment is not motivated by romantic interest, it is more about asserting power by making someone uncomfortable, which is why they keep doing it when it is not positively received.

But the definition of workplace sexual harassment isn't really what interested me in this post. What the SNL clip brought to my mind was a double-standard in male/female inof what is exceptable for guys considered "hot" vs. guys not considered hot. When I was in my teens & early 20s learning how to act with women I found cute, I observed that what seemed to be acceptable for some guys was not acceptable for me. What is acceptable does vary from woman to woman. But the kind of attention women seemd to enjoy from some guys seemed to annoy the same women when I was doing the same things. The difference seemed to be that women liked that attention when it was from good looking guys and didn't like from less-good looking guys. Social skills and confidence are factors too, but in some cases I didn't think the other guys were necessarily more confident or socially skilled than me. (Face it - most 17-19 years olds are nervious around girls they like).

What I'm asking is: when a woman describes a guy who flirts with her or asks her out as creepy, is always his bahavoir that makes him creepy, or is it just that she doesn't find him attractive?