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Midnight: it's dark but not quite brooding. I'd like to see more reflection, more movement. If the voice of the poem is simply stuck, I would like to know more about the effects of this. What are the implications? If you're posing this poem as lyrical, you should let the reader know a bit more internally.
Your rhythm is effective, just enough to make the reader lose their breath. Your enjambment gives the poem not only a forward motion, it practically lurches, which is suiting to the tone of the poem.
mixedmedia, this is a good start. Sorry if you meant this to be a full poem, but as a reader I still felt there was more to be said. This feels like a much longer work. Your rhythm is tidal, which makes it engaging in a good way, but if it were to carry on like that in a longer work, it would be tiresome. You might want to vary that a bit...let the reader rest a bit before hitting them up again.
"unremarkable hours"
"indelicate abandon"
These are great word pairings; there's a poet in you yet.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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