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A female member PM'ed me the following to add to this discussion, wishing her name not be used:
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My response:
I have been down that road twice. One trip worked out well; the other did not.
You are smart to set ground rules. Here are our rules, and how the situations turned out.
1. We both agreed that we were not 'it' (future marriage partner) for the other. This rule definitely applied to us.
2. Discretion is a must. This is a no-kiss-and-tell situation. Why the secrecy? If you are going to date others, do you want to fall for someone who is only there because they heard about your friends-with-benefits deal?
3. Leave no marks. Because this is a no-kiss-and-tell situation.
4. We could date anyone else we chose, but we slept with nobody else.
5. If either of us decided to get emotionally serious with someone else, or decided to sleep with someone else, the deal was off.
The first situation was with a long term ex-boyfriend that I was still friends with. We already knew each other emotionally as well as physically from our two years as a serious couple. After both ending recent long term relationships with others, it was nice to have a shoulder and more. But we forgot to set definite ground rules. It wasn't long before a mutual friend let me know that this was no longer a no-kiss-and-tell situation. Our affair ended, as did our friendship.
The second situation was with a friend. We had mutual respect and trust, and we actually did like each other's company non-sexually as well. But we also knew that we were not compatible for the long haul. We were headed in different directions in life. I can't remember why I agreed to go from friends to friends/lovers, but we did. We agreed to call it off if one of us became emotionally or physically serious with another. We both hoped/expected this to happen eventually. We ended the affair amicably when it did, but remained friends.
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