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Originally Posted by mixedmedia
I still think this was categorically wrong. On many levels. I like pornography. I give my boyfriend pornography. I encourage masturbation and fantasy. But I would be offended if I found that he was masturbating to pictures he had secretly copied off of my friends' web sites. Sorry, it's just wrong. Not only would be it be disrespectful to me, to our relationship and to my friends, but I think it would betray a lack of judgment and character that I would find to be very dismaying. An occasional fantasy is one thing and it wouldn't bother me to know that he fantasized about them occasionally, but the copying of the pictures and keeping them adds an "ick" element to it that would set off some big-time red flags for me. But that's just me...granted.
There should be, running through the dealings of any mature mind, the concepts of respect and appropriate behavior. I don't see masturbation and fantasy as an "anything goes" endeavor. One can be sexually open and adventurous and still have a sense of propriety. This situation shows a distinct lack of propriety, in my opinion.
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I think most everyone, if not all, is in agreement that this was an insensitive, stupid, and creepy thing for the OP's boyfiend to do. No one is arguing that opinion anymore. We are now delving deeper into the heart of the problem that lies within the initial and subsequent reactions to the incident, and also the entire relationship in question. There are many problems that lie beyond what one initially perceives as the "bonehead boyfriend move".
There is also a communication barrier, along with insecurity issues among both parties. I also see a radical perspetive put forth by a majority of the female posters that they would be deeply hurt and be quick to "dump him" if this ever occurred to them. I can see the emotional appeal, but I cannot firmly grasp the rationale behind it. Personal space is one thing, intentions are another. Unless we are to hear directly from the boyfriend about why he had the said pictures "seemingly misplaced" in an area primarily dedicated to "depections of erotic and sexual fantasies for use thereof", we cannot unjustly condemn him for doing a natural tendency for all human beings.
Aside from the already overly-stated fact that it would be troublesome and creepy to have pictures of his significant other's friends, it was just a lapse in male sensitivity to such matters (which are not ingrained in our minds from birth, mind you
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We falter at times to assess the feelings of others in a selfish quest to get ours, but the way I see it, it was a minor fault on his part that devastated a worn-armor of insecurities on hers. Perhaps in time, the communication and self-esteem will be elevated to a point where both parties can collaborate on depend on the other for support.