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i think i know where you're coming from jth. let me ask you this, as it's something i've thought about before.
let's say that a girl is dissatisfied because her man is playing World of Warcraft or GrandTheft all the time. it's interfering with the relationship, he doesn't just do it with his friends on sunday afternoon, but has to log in as soon as he gets home, sneaks on the server sometimes at lunch, so on and so forth. does that say anything about the game, or does it say something about the person?
i've been in much the same situations that you have, i think. i think that all these stimuli release similar chemicals in our brains, some directly, some indirectly, some are more difficult to control than others. i used to be part of that crowd, but i got fed up with it. i realized all the things i was doing had become nothing more than rituals, which wouldn't have been so bad if i liked the people i was around more. it seemed to me that 90% of the people that were part of that subculture, at least the ones that i knew, had gravitated towards it because of the subculture stigma. you could be a lazy fuck, then say some trite shit about not conforming and doing what you were supposed to, and then watch tv all day. maybe i'm just jaded. but i can't bring myself to put it on the chemical, at least not with something like marajuana. i mean, it certainly has specific effects on the mind - but i don't see that much to differentiate it from a lot of things we seem to culturally tolerate or defend.
regardless, i wish you the best katy. it's always tough to leave someone you still care about when you see they're not heading in a direction you're comfortable with. but sometimes you've got to make that choice. period.
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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style
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