ngdawg

First you need to cease putting women in a slut/virginal comparison mode and look at them as potential friends before any dialog can start. Learn what gets their contentment outside anything sexual before delving into the sexual. Listen, listen, listen to them. And when all else fails, listen to them.
Put yourself in their shoes....what if you were turned away simply because you'd had more than one partner or three? Does that make you any less than who you are, really? If anything, what you've done makes you who you are, good, bad or in-between and it's no different for women.
Once you've established rapport and gained trust as a true friend and not some survey-taker, then the more intimate chats can happen, more or less what's been brought up here-the differences between making love, having sex and fucking, what's most important, etc.
In short, relax, talk, listen and let go of your presumptuous ways.

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.