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I appreciate the comments on the violent birth equals violent person claims that I have made, don't want to take the time to respond to each of you individually because it feels like I am beating a dead horse linking to the perinatal psychologists. I believe that the violence connection is real, some of you dont', and that's cool.
I wonder what the response is however, to my claim that giving birth alone was joyful and strengthening to my marriage?
Don't get me wrong, all five of our childrens birth days were the happiest days of our lives. But so much of that joy was cluttered by the many strangers around us, and the various procedures and protocols that we had to bow down to, no matter how our children were born.
If you buy the argument that birth is pretty much straightforward most of the time, and statistics are on the side of the birthing mother having things go well most of the time, (And I do buy that argument) then why shouldn't a couple explore this side of their sexuality by staying home and privately giving birth?
Many couples who give birth this way describe the experience as supremely intimate and without going into too much detail I have talked to several women who have claimed that giving birth this way "recharged" them sexually.
You line up that reality with the fact that many women in the hospital have their most private parts cut up and stitched, and the question must be asked, "for what purpose was this beautiful body cut up".
As a Bradley Childbirth teacher I learned that episiotomy and rupture of membranes only saved the docs an average of 20 minutes per birth, yet had such a horrifying effect on the mother's recovery. 4th degree episiotomy is no fun to recover from. And who is benefitting from this cut? The doc.
I chose to give birth with just my husband because I knew he would go the distance with me. I knew he would not try to hurry me along so he could get out on the golf course or move on to the next birthing mother. He would not have dreamed of pulling out a pair of scissors and cutting me up to speed second stage pushing.
No, he waited patiently, and because he was willing to wait, I birthed with no tears or cuts.
I also gave birth standing up in the Yoga Goddess position, and it felt so good to be standing on my own two feet while the baby emerged from my body.
The night our fifth child was born, all four of our older children were asleep, and fifteen minutes after the birth they woke up one by one and slowly came into the bedroom to meet Ben. That night was the most sacred and beautiful night of our lives together.
The next morning my doula showed up to give me a massage. Our chiropractor came for a home visit to give me an adjustment. He also adjusted Ben a little, and we had some friends and family come over to see the babe. Giving birth alone does not mean that you don't hire people to help with other things around the birth or have friends over before and after the birth. But it does mean that you have a paradigm shift around what is necessary for the child to be born.
I won't share any more links, a boatload of information is up on the internet, with more stories coming every day from the mommas who are doing this.
I do want to testify however, that the Joy is much deeper, palpable, and very different from the hospital experiences I had.
Jenny Hatch
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