Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - How strange is a 25 year old male virgin?

eggman414 · 06-30-2007, 07:03 PM

All right, I don't post here much and I might catch some flak for saying this, but here what the hell, we're all grown-ups here and I feel I can relate to you. One of my closest friends is a virgin at 23, I'm the same age, and while I'm not a virgin I have a VERY difficult time meeting women and have never quite been able to figure out why (I've gone very long periods of time without sex, too).

Being a virgin at 25, or any time, is not in itself a particularly big deal. However, you are probably reading all this stuff-what I'm saying here included-and saying to yourself "well, yeah, easy for you to say." People who are in relationships, or have a relatively easy time getting dates, have a tendency to oversimplify the problems of those of us with difficulties meeting members of the opposite sex. Most advice falls into two completely contradictory categories: 1) you gotta relax and it will happen, or 2) you gotta go out there and try. The fact that these two ideas-which can, very broadly, encapsulate most of the advice given here-stand in complete opposition to each other really leads me to believe that many people simply do not get it. It winds up making people like you and me (maybe you'll disagree, but this is how I see it) feel more isolated.

Of course, we are in considerably different positions, but here is how I try to deal with it, and I hope it can be of some help: just fucking forget it. You know how some people can't make any friends or keep a job? You know how some people are drug addicts and alcoholics and don't speak with their families? Guess what, those people have some serious fucking issues and many of them are getting laid. Everyone is fucked up to some degree, and if your biggest problem is that you are a virgin, well, it's really not all that bad. Some of us are just not very good at some things. I'm a terrible athlete, this bothered me quite a lot when I was younger, but I learned to accept it and was the better for it. I have trouble meeting women, too; it's hard, but I'm happier when I just accept that, too. It's not an easy thing, and you will lapse many times, but trust me, you'll feel much better when you just forget it and focus on other things (career, friends, hobbies, etc). This strategy probably will not get you laid - if you start thinking "well, I've gotta stop thinking about it so I can meet girls," then, well, you've just surrounded yourself in circular logic - but it will make you happier and make your life far more enjoyable. Don't go to a prostitute, that won't make you feel better; just remove the monkey from your back and go about your business. Nobody needs to know you are a virgin, the right girl won't care, and most importantly, life isn't a contest. People are not looking at you any differently, your "secret"-if you even want to call it that-is probably far, far easier to live with than those carried around by many, many others.

Of course I'm not a virgin, so I realize that this is all very easy for me to say. But I definitely can relate to that feeling of isolation - I felt it for a long time, albeit for a slightly different reason (which I won't get into now in the interests of staying on topic) - and there's just no reason for it. Life your life and try to put it in the back of your mind. God knows when you'll get laid, but I guarantee you'll feel a hundred times better.

06-30-2007, 07:03 PM	#15 (permalink)
eggman414 Upright Location: NYC, USA	All right, I don't post here much and I might catch some flak for saying this, but here what the hell, we're all grown-ups here and I feel I can relate to you. One of my closest friends is a virgin at 23, I'm the same age, and while I'm not a virgin I have a VERY difficult time meeting women and have never quite been able to figure out why (I've gone very long periods of time without sex, too). Being a virgin at 25, or any time, is not in itself a particularly big deal. However, you are probably reading all this stuff-what I'm saying here included-and saying to yourself "well, yeah, easy for you to say." People who are in relationships, or have a relatively easy time getting dates, have a tendency to oversimplify the problems of those of us with difficulties meeting members of the opposite sex. Most advice falls into two completely contradictory categories: 1) you gotta relax and it will happen, or 2) you gotta go out there and try. The fact that these two ideas-which can, very broadly, encapsulate most of the advice given here-stand in complete opposition to each other really leads me to believe that many people simply do not get it. It winds up making people like you and me (maybe you'll disagree, but this is how I see it) feel more isolated. Of course, we are in considerably different positions, but here is how I try to deal with it, and I hope it can be of some help: just fucking forget it. You know how some people can't make any friends or keep a job? You know how some people are drug addicts and alcoholics and don't speak with their families? Guess what, those people have some serious fucking issues and many of them are getting laid. Everyone is fucked up to some degree, and if your biggest problem is that you are a virgin, well, it's really not all that bad. Some of us are just not very good at some things. I'm a terrible athlete, this bothered me quite a lot when I was younger, but I learned to accept it and was the better for it. I have trouble meeting women, too; it's hard, but I'm happier when I just accept that, too. It's not an easy thing, and you will lapse many times, but trust me, you'll feel much better when you just forget it and focus on other things (career, friends, hobbies, etc). This strategy probably will not get you laid - if you start thinking "well, I've gotta stop thinking about it so I can meet girls," then, well, you've just surrounded yourself in circular logic - but it will make you happier and make your life far more enjoyable. Don't go to a prostitute, that won't make you feel better; just remove the monkey from your back and go about your business. Nobody needs to know you are a virgin, the right girl won't care, and most importantly, life isn't a contest. People are not looking at you any differently, your "secret"-if you even want to call it that-is probably far, far easier to live with than those carried around by many, many others. Of course I'm not a virgin, so I realize that this is all very easy for me to say. But I definitely can relate to that feeling of isolation - I felt it for a long time, albeit for a slightly different reason (which I won't get into now in the interests of staying on topic) - and there's just no reason for it. Life your life and try to put it in the back of your mind. God knows when you'll get laid, but I guarantee you'll feel a hundred times better.