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Originally Posted by JustJess
Any partnership is a compromise at times. It has to be for the partnership to survive disagreements and such. But if I felt that being married meant "giving up on things", or that I had to live only a "traditional" life, I would never have gotten married. There is no one way that is the "right" way to live. That way lay madness.
Marriage is what you make of it. If you want the traditional roles, then by all means, have at it. But don't kid yourself - we're all selfish. She's just being honest about it. Sometimes, it feels like we just take turns on who gets to be selfish this week! It's not that I no longer get what I want, it's that I want different things than as a single person. So I make Q happy in the meantime - really, that's selfish. I make him happy because it makes ME happy.
This response of yours sounds very naive to me, and certainly under-informed. We don't know how her husband feels. This is only her perspective. I'd advise against assigning your own reactions to him in his stead.
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Originally Posted by abaya
Watch yourself. There are more than a handful of good people around here (TFP) who practice open/polyamorous marriages, and do it more successfully than a lot of monogamous, "traditional" people.
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I repeat.... WE ARE ALL SELFISH. RELATIONSHIPS ARE SELFISH. Relationships, at their core, are about balancing the selfish needs of two (or more) people. We get into relationships because we are willing to do so. All we know is that this woman and her husband are currently doing that. We don't know that her husband is happy, or UNhappy. If he's not willing to balance his needs with hers, then he can stop.
THERE IS NO ONE TRUE PATH.