Shauk

yeah I dunno, my attempt at moving to seattle was kinda kicked in the face. Basically I didn't get any bites (i'm really not that marketable) and I got picked up locally for a job in the mean time. the more I think about leaving the area the more it just comes to seem like i'm more or less just unhappy with my roomates than the actual area. Part of the conversation yesterday was about how the guy she's with is just like her, and she hates that. Pretty much the philosophy, that which you dislike in others is what you really dislike about yourself. She's dealing with the same hurt that she doled out to me, She says every relationship is a "lesson" and its kinda funny because while she's dating herself in a way and realizing how much she hurt others in her past for it, i'm living with 3 carbon copies of who I used to be, who she broke up with, and it's so crystal clear why I can't get along with them. Because they are the old me, the old me that was responsible for letting a relationship fall aside.


As far as my previous postings, I know I'm wishy washy as hell. "I'm going to do this!" "meh, i changed my mind" but wisdom tends to override impulse once I've had time to think it over.


I dont know

in all honesty there doesn't seem to be any right answers. Theres no set way to live my life. I really cant see myself getting over her if I don't cut her off, and I don't see myself having a happy perfect ending if she wants to try again. Either way seems like it will be really hard in one way or another.

I just feel like i'd have someone to help take a constructive approach to my life if she was with me, and likewise I'd have something worthwhile to do in helping her take a constructive approach with hers.

We both want the same things in the end.