Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

warrrreagl · 06-26-2007, 09:16 PM

Ah, it's time for the warrrreagl spider bite story.

About 7 years ago, I woke up one morning with an enormous bulge in the side of my neck. It looked like someone had jammed a boiled egg under the skin on my neck, and I immediately began imagining horrible, contorted, twisted deaths that might hit me at any moment. My two main thoughts were 1) heart attack symptom (I have no idea where that came from either), and 2) simple boil. So I decided to squeeze it to see what happened. It hurt. I quit squeezing. Grancey said, "Get your ass to a doctor before you turn gray-headed worrying about the damn thing!" So I did.

At the doctor's office, they gave me the usual false hope by allowing me into an examining room without telling me that it would be another half-hour before the doctor finally came in. During that eternal half-hour, I kept imagining more horrible deaths, but this time my imagination had help. Someone had slipped Hector Berlioz's Symphonie fantastique into the doctor's office muzak tape and I was listening to the Dies Irae and funeral march. Real good for patients at the doctor's office to listen to death music while waiting to get the tragic news.

The doctor came in and I told him how totally uncool his music was. He said nobody had ever noticed that before. I said it didn't matter because I did. He said hmmmmm. Then he looked at the lump in my neck. He had me take off my shirt. He touched a spot on my shoulder blade and announced, "You have a spider bite back here." He said the lump was caused by swelling in my lymph node as it attempted to handle the spider poison that had been introduced into my system. He said, "Go home, you'll be fine."

But I can't teach about Hector Berlioz anymore without going through the entire spider bite story. It completely enhances the musical experience, that's for sure.

06-26-2007, 09:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
warrrreagl pinche vato Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton	Ah, it's time for the warrrreagl spider bite story. About 7 years ago, I woke up one morning with an enormous bulge in the side of my neck. It looked like someone had jammed a boiled egg under the skin on my neck, and I immediately began imagining horrible, contorted, twisted deaths that might hit me at any moment. My two main thoughts were 1) heart attack symptom (I have no idea where that came from either), and 2) simple boil. So I decided to squeeze it to see what happened. It hurt. I quit squeezing. Grancey said, "Get your ass to a doctor before you turn gray-headed worrying about the damn thing!" So I did. At the doctor's office, they gave me the usual false hope by allowing me into an examining room without telling me that it would be another half-hour before the doctor finally came in. During that eternal half-hour, I kept imagining more horrible deaths, but this time my imagination had help. Someone had slipped Hector Berlioz's Symphonie fantastique into the doctor's office muzak tape and I was listening to the Dies Irae and funeral march. Real good for patients at the doctor's office to listen to death music while waiting to get the tragic news. The doctor came in and I told him how totally uncool his music was. He said nobody had ever noticed that before. I said it didn't matter because I did. He said hmmmmm. Then he looked at the lump in my neck. He had me take off my shirt. He touched a spot on my shoulder blade and announced, "You have a spider bite back here." He said the lump was caused by swelling in my lymph node as it attempted to handle the spider poison that had been introduced into my system. He said, "Go home, you'll be fine." But I can't teach about Hector Berlioz anymore without going through the entire spider bite story. It completely enhances the musical experience, that's for sure. __________________ Living is easy with eyes closed.