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I'd change all guns to flamethrowers, just cuz they're cool.
I'd give all child molesters genital leprosy.
I'd make ball sweat and semen taste like chocolate.
I'd make tobacco smoke smell like baking bread.
Douches would be flavored, not scented (the ads would be hilarious).
All cars would be flying cars (thin the herd a little).
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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.
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