abaya

Shani, I completely respect what you're saying. All I meant to say was that no matter what, in the end, you or the other person will end up alone. Even if it's just from death, not divorce or breaking up. And I think that's a reality that must be dealt with, from the very get-go of the relationship. I think it makes the day-to-day even more important, because you really just never know when someone is going to die. Every day may be your last day with that person.

I say this because my mother lost my father, very suddenly (she got a phone call saying that he was dead) when they were still newlyweds and she was 8 months pregnant with me. That was 28 years ago. Like you, she "loves him forever," even though he died. She has worshipped his memory for literally as long as I can remember (since before I was born). But you know what... she's spent those 28 years living in the past. She has never really allowed another person in, even my stepdad (with whom she lived for 17 years). I don't know if she knows how to love someone else, because she never allowed her heart to heal in order to do so. She loved my father so much, that it stopped her from living her life to the fullest from that point on. And honestly, I don't think that's a great way to live. I don't think my father would have wanted her to live like that. She still counts their wedding anniversaries, you know? (And those 17 years with my stepdad became chopped liver, after they split up.) Some might see it as sweet... but I don't know. Life is too short... and forever is a long time to live in the past.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran