Thank you for posting this!
When ratbastid and I were with D&S, our first poly love interests, there was really no question of being "out" about because they are teachers and were fearful of the repercussions. Close friends knew, but that was the extent of it. It was also never clear to any of us that it was an actual "relationship" or more of a dalliance, which seemed to call for less disclosure.
Now that we're with StellaLuna, it's definitely a relationship, and (we all hope and intend) a long-term one. That brings up a host of issues about who we want to know about things. Not just for the sake of being honest with the people around us whom we love, but also for the sake of having the support and recognition that a serious relationship needs and deserves. It's been really difficult sometimes to think about telling family who may not approve. It's nice to see more and more people out there (here and in Salon and Slate - those are the other two "mainstream" internet sources I've seen publish sympathetic pieces on polyamory) trying to explain it to the normals. The more it's out there, the more acceptable or at least understandable I hope it will become.
It's sad and scary to see otherwise open-minded, rational people go batshit crazy when it comes to any non-traditional definition of marriage. I know it's a fundamental human institution, but honestly - is it working that well? Why should it be so very threatening and incomprehensible if people tweak it to work for them?
At least for us, the practice of polyamory has been a beautiful way to become our better selves. We listen to the "polyamory weekly" podcast, and one of the analogies they use there for jealousy or insecurity in poly relationships is that, if your fridge isn't working, you don't just...stop using the fridge! You find out what's wrong with it and you fix it. Similarly, butting up against jealousy or insecurity in a poly relationship isn't necessarily a reason to quit. It points to something to fix in your relationship with each other, or with yourself. I can't tell you how much more confident and at peace with myself I've been since I dealt with the underlying issues that were causing me to be insecure around ratbastid being with someone else. It's not just that our marriage is stronger, it's that we ourselves are stronger as individuals. Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about? Supporting each other in becoming your best selves? Sometimes you have to be ruthless with yourself, but in the end it's worth it to have stripped away that piece of "not me."
Oh, and ff life is a banquet, then I'm having 2 desserts!
