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My guess here (correct me if I am wrong), the Guy you played on IM was far more mature and likable than the projection we see here. It is of no wonder she was more attracted to him than to you.
You asked for advice, and overwhelmingly it has leaned towards you changing attitudes on what a relationship should be. understand as well, that few places you will go will have the experienced and mature membership you find here. I would recommend you re-read this entire thread....take in the advice....and then evaluate how you play the game of love.
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