Yeah. Usually I'm not one to dogpile, particularly when abaya is involved.
No offense, hon. You're just so much more acerbic than I am. Usually when you're involved, I don't feel the need to add anything.
But in this case I think I can make an exception, mostly because unlike abaya I can at least make an educated guess regarding your thought processes, mostly because I've seen it before. Not taken to this degree, I admit, but I have seen it.
I reckon you meet this girl, you're single, you're lonely. She's reasonably cute and polite to you. So you, being lonely and not really knowing how to approach a girl (or even what you want in a girl, I imagine, though you probably think you do) decide that you have a crush on her. The fact that she's not rude or cruel is, to you, an indication that she likes you. You then build that up until you think maybe she likes you in the way you think you like her. You then begin fantasizing about her and in the process you build up an image of what you think she is. You take what you know and you extrapolate, doing all of this with out any input or knowledge on her part. Eventually you end up with this whole idea of what this girl is and you fall madly in love with it. The problem is, she's not that girl and you're putting unrealistic expectations on her in thinking she is. Further, it was impossible for you
not to fall in love with your dream-her, since that's essentially a girl you crafted for yourself. And you, being fairly inexperienced in the affairs of love, are completely unable to distinguish between fantasy girl and real girl, thus resulting in you thinking you're in love with the real one and being unable to stand the idea of her being with anyone else. Meanwhile, this poor girl, from what you've said, is quite clearly not into you. You live with her brother, she may think you're an okay guy, but she has absolutely no romantic interest in you. She also probably knows you have a crush on her, since I have a hunch that you're the type of guy who makes it painfully obvious without even realizing it. So she tries to ignore it and hopes that eventually it'll go away on it's own. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to her, you're turning her into some impossible dream girl in your head instead of getting over it like you should be and suddenly you blindside her with this extravagant and
very creepy gesture. She's freaked out, her brother's freaked out and everybody thinks your creepy and you ask us if she may have a positive impression? No, no, a thousand times no.
You cannot possibly be in love with someone you haven't ever talked to. Hollywood bullshit aside, that just doesn't happen. How can you possibly love someone you don't know a damn thing about? Seriously, sit down now and take stock of what you know of her. Not what you think you know, but what you really know. What are her hobbies? Her interests? What does she do for fun? Is she the sort of girl who stays in on a Saturday night? What's her favourite book? Her favourite movie? Her favourite colour? What kind of music does she like? What kind of food does she like? What kind of food doesn't she like? Do you know the answers to any of these questions and even assuming you do, how much of it have you learned from actually talking to her and not ferreting it out like some creepy stalker?
If you think I've been hard on you so far, you might want to hold onto something while you read what's coming next.
I think you need help. I don't mean that as a joke and I'm not stating it lightly. I think you need some serious psychiatric intervention and I think you need to get it as soon as possible, before you do yourself or someone else some major harm. I quite frankly find the way you've fixated on this girl to be so far outside of social norms as to be seriously alarming and I really, honestly think you need to do something about it. Moreover, I think your method of relating to females in general is more than a little fucked up. Over in
this thread you state that you've considered suicide solely due to having never had a date as if it's the most normal thing in the world.
Honestly. Normally in this situation I would tell you to get out and meet some girls, to take the plunge and ask one or two out. It would be a way for you to get over the fear of rejection and also figure out what you're looking for in a partner by finding out what you don't want. The thing is, I can't in good conscience tell you to do that, because I am seriously concerned that if you do the first girl who agrees to a date with you will become the next object of your fixation. And I'm afraid that if that happens and things go badly (which, in this scenario, they most definitely will) you will do serious harm to yourself or her.
And there it is. I'm laying it out as plain as I can. Do with it what you will.