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Originally Posted by Charlatan
I don't really believe in the concept of a soul mate. A relationship is either working or not. The idea that you are destined to spend your life with any one person is a construct that does more harm than good.
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Yes, my view exactly. There is no such thing as a soulmate. There is such a thing as good timing, or healthiness, or hard work and commitment... but not soulmates. In my opinion and experience.
That said... have you two gone to couples counseling yet? I identify with some of the feelings you are having, but I think that stuff can be worked through if you both really want it. A mutual commitment to going to counseling would be a sign of you both wanting to work it out, no matter what it takes.
Sounds like a lot of built-up resentment and perhaps miscommunication about your and his needs over the years... very common with couples, from what I hear in my friends' lives. Not insurmountable... but it takes work. 4.5 years isn't too bad to be discovering this, though... imagine, as you said, 10 or 20 years down the line. Try to fix it now, if you can!