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If you are snooping, the relationship will generally be unhealthy. If there are trust issues, you need to work to FIX those first and foremost. An untrusting relationship just won't work. I can't imagine snooping through my wifes texts. I'd feel tremendously guilty. Besides, I trust her 100% and have no reason to.
As for hanging out with ex's 1-1, I don't really see an issue with it. I like my ex's, for the most part, pretty well. My most recent ex is a good friend of mine. My wife's ex's talk to her fairly often and she still keeps in touch with the last guy's family now and then. I don't see what a previous relationship has to do with your current one. If she leaves you for him, would you really want to have hung on to her until she could ditch you for another guy later?
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The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible...
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