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Jennifer, medication or not, you are still going to have to do things for yourself at some point. You say that you don't feel in control, but it doesn't really matter how you feel in the end. I'm not sure that anybody's ever really completely in control, but think about those people you consider to be in control of their lives. They don't get that way because some magical fairy godmother gives them control. They take control.
About the medicine - I don't think that's the kind of thing you become physically dependent on the way you do with stuff like narcotics (I mean, maybe, but I don't think so). It strikes me more as a thing you get addicted to emotionally or mentally. The doctor will never tell you you NEED it. They will just say that it might help if there are no other options. But hey, maybe you need to get this out of your system like I did. Even if you have some quack who tells you that you NEED medication, it's not going to make a lick of difference in the long run. You'll still feel all the things you feel now, but maybe they'll be slightly duller. Plus, you may have some other funky side effects to add to the worries.
You have to do something. Anything. You take control and make your life whatever you can make it. Worry about making it want you want later, when you actually have an idea of what you want. Honestly, I think the medicine is probably beside the point for you. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you're completely unable to function or in danger of taking your life. You just sound like a scared kid. Try to just do one thing a day that scares you, but that you know you should be doing - even something as small as making yourself a grilled cheese sandwich. Every day it will seem a little less terrifying, and eventually you can do even more things like that.
Remember - depression is not like an infection. You can't just take some pills for a week until it clears up. You have to find the right solution for you and keep at it every day.
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