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Originally Posted by Supple Cow
My point remains. Don't try to pass this off on me or the people who raised you. Everybody learns sometime. You're the only one who gets to decide when you really want to start. Mistakes are how people learn. Just pick something and go. You'll pick the rest up later.
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Sorry, I wasn't trying to blame you for anything
That one line just sort of cut to the heart of the matter -- I don't feel like I'm in control of my own life.
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Originally Posted by abaya
I don't think you're nearly as bad off as you'd like to believe. You're on the right track. Just pick up some speed and do something new every day... even if it's something tiny that no one else will notice. Try to make yourself a sandwich. Boil an egg. Check out some job ads. Just one small thing every day. See what happens. Don't make so many demands on yourself. Just one thing.
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I know that I'm not
really bad off. It just feels that way because I'm kind of trapped for another month without being able to practice any of those things. I can't drive and I don't have access to a car, so I can't learn for at least a month (that's when I graduate). Since I don't have the car, I can't get to the grocery store to get food to practice cooking. It's just so painfully frustrating to know that I need to learn all of these things but I can't do anything about it for the next month.
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Originally Posted by lurkette
P.S. If you don't know where to start, ask for help. Ask a friend, ask a counselor, ask a professor. There are no consequences. If they say they don't have time or don't know how to help you, that means NOTHING about you. Move on and ask someone else. You're scared of all this stuff that's totally in your head. People's opinions and thoughts are not knives and bullets. You are safer than you think. And most people really LOVE to be needed and helpful, even if they pretend otherwise.
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I'm working on it. So far the counselor hasn't been much help. I am making more progress with the career services center, though. The guy is supposed to help me start looking for a job next week. If I can get a job I'd like, then I'll just accept it, get an apartment nearby, and see what happens.
Also, I'm still really worried about the possibility of medication. I just talked it over with my father and he said I absolutely should not take medication. He used to work in a mental hospital as a computer programmer and he said that they don't really know how the anti-depressent medication like Prozac works and it'll just mess up my brainchemistry and make me dependent upon it. I'm still going to the psychiatrist, but I really hope he says I don't need medication.