Thank you, everyone. I'm feeling a bit better now than I was a week ago. I went out with my friends last night to a few bars. I'm so freaking awkward over the phone that I felt like I was imposing upon them by asking when they were going, but I forced myself through it and went with them. I had a fun time, but I still felt like I didn't belong because I sort of ended up just observing everything instead of actually participating in the conversation (I usually don't know who or what everyone else is talking about). Then afterwards, we went to a party at my friend's brother's house. I hardly knew anyone there, and the people I did know were wrapped up in conversations with the ones I didn't know. Instead of trying to get into the conversation, I ended up playing Guitar Hero in the corner by myself. Looking back, I should have actually tried to talk to the other people.
My friends are always busy during the actual week, so I can only see them on the weekends. I only have another 3 or 4 weekends left until I graduate (I haven't counted lately) so I've kind of accepted that this is a lost cause. I'm looking forward to hopefully making friends after I graduate and have a job somewhere. I did sort of have two real friends here, but one of them got a girlfriend so I hardly ever see him anymore. The other started commuting this year so I only see her during a class we have together. Everyone else I know is really nice, but again I feel like I don't belong because I hardly ever see them, so I'm not as close to them as they are to each other.
I only have a few more weeks of classes to make it through, and it shouldn't be any problem for me because I'm only taking 12 credits this semester (every semester before this I took anywhere from 16-20 credits). However, I've lost the ability to focus on anything. While I'm sitting in class I find myself getting easily distracted and not paying attention. While I'm trying to study, I find myself just sitting there for hours either thinking about random things, watching videos on YouTube, or otherwise wasting the time without getting anything productive done. I think I'll do alright in all of my classes, but it really worries me that I'm losing focus so badly.
In any case, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I feel perfectly fine right now despite how worried I was over not being able to study earlier this week, or how out of it I felt last night with my friends. I guess I'm too tired to feel bad right now
