abaya

Hmmm, I used to be that ex-Christian girlfriend for a LOOONG time, and didn't let guys get past 2nd base when I was still a believer. But I ended up having sex with my first non-Christian boyfriend (now husband) the first chance we got... when we were 24.

However, that doesn't mean it was an easy transition... I had been away from the fold for a few years by that point, but I was very similar to your bf in that I was still "researching" and thinking about Christianity, and wondering what my life and character would be like, without God and the church and Bible to guide me. I was (and perhaps still am) re-creating myself as an almost new person, and sex was a very important part of that developmental period.

Sexuality was one of the last holdouts for me, since it had exerted such a strong force on me throughout my teen and college years, and it took me a LONG time to finally feel okay with having pre-marital sex. Probably a good 6 months, if not longer, to just relax and not feel "wrong" in some way or another. I never called my bf "dysfunctional," however, and I kind of think that is just rude and projecting his own insecurities onto you... I would hash out everything behind that, with him, and NOT let him call you something like that again. You are totally NORMAL.

Hell, even I had to learn that sex IS a valid dealbreaker. In my previously Christian mind, sex was a sidebar to the relationship and could be taken or left... which is perhaps how your bf is thinking, if he's still got his head in the "spiritual" realm of things. People get divorced over bad sex, so I don't think it's that weird to be considering it so seriously at this point in your relationship. Sex is just as important to the relationship as any other aspect... if you're not compatible there, it's going to be difficult to sustain a long-term relationship. He might not learn that lesson until long after you break up with him, since he probably thinks you are "over-sexed" or some other such bullshit... but someday, he'll realize that you were right and normal and human, and that he was the screwed up one.

Unless he is willing to do work on his own (e.g. go to counseling, communicate more helpfully with you, NOT blame you, etc), I would seriously consider not continuing with this guy. He isn't going to change unless he sees the problem and wants to change. Right now he's making YOU the problem, which is the MOST unhelpful thing that anyone can do in a relationship.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran