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Originally Posted by PredeconInferno
Just hold the phone here:
I happen to disagree whole-heartedly with the people that suggest moving on. You're telling me that a guy being reluctant to have sex with a woman after he's only known her for 4 months is worth leaving him? I think that's ridiculous. I had a fiance once, and we were very sexually active. It was fantastic. In hind sight, I wish I hadn't had sex with her (I was young, for one reason), but I don't regret it one bit - it was one of the most amazing things I've ever been able to share with a person. Does it make me deviant to want to abstain from having sex with a woman now until I know I have that connection again? It seems that some of you think so.
I find premaritel sex amorous, yes. This doesn't mean, however, that I think you're going to hell if you do it. It's a personal ideal, and I would hope my girlfriend would be willing to respect that in me. Relationships are about loyalty and trust. It's clear that he trusts you enough to stay with him despite the fact that he won't have sex with you - he seems to feel like it's not important, and it's not. It's a wonderful thing to share with someone and he's missing out by abstaining, but no sex isn't the end of the world and it's certainly not "leave him" material. Maybe he's reluctant to have sex with you because he doesn't want to risk the consequences? Maybe he's not willing to father children? In my case, I will not have PV intercourse with a woman until I'm ready to father children with her despite what my hormones tell me.
I'm not saying I agree with his methods at all. If he's not willing to have PV intercourse with you, he should be willing to, at the very least, reciprocate the "going down" as it were. Have you asked him why he won't have sex with you? I don't agree with him in that you're sexually deviant because, frankly, I know I want it most of the time.
What I'm trying to say is this: I'm fighting for him. Although I don't agree with his reasons and his methods, he's still worth dating as you pointed out. Sex shouldn't be something we seek from others, in my opinion. Reducing ourselves to such base desires dishonors both parties - by ignoring who the person is. I guess I'm the odd man out in this one, so take my words as you will. He's a good guy, clearly. I hope you can figure this out.
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First thing I have to say here is this: When one comes into an open thread forum like ours, you should be ready to hear SEVERAL different opinions on your question. SHE asked for OUR opinion, and we are giving it. so everyone should relax, and listen with open ears.
On that note, Aphrodite, My biggest concern is that he seems to have no problem having YOU perform oral sex on HIM, but when you ask for a return favour, he denies you. It seems to me from what YOU HAVE SAID, that he is in search of his true self, and is NOT ready for a relationship. Sorry, but ANYONE who is not willing to return something that is given, is denying that person a proper relationship. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but personally I think he is being selfish, and should be told at MINIMUM, that if he can take sexual acts from you, then he needs to be willing to return the same, or not get ANYTHING.
There is my $.02 worth....
I hope that you two can work things out. Possibly consider going to relationship counseling or something similar. Also, if he has mentioned concern of passing on an STD, then I would HIGHLY recommend you BOTH go down for testing. If he DOES have something, you can STILL catch if with manual and oral manipulation. Good luck!