Aphrodite83

Hi everyone, I'm new to TFP and this is my first post. A friend of mine has been on here for years and he suggested I check it out, specifically for this problem of mine.

I have been dating this guy for 4 months. I'm 24 and he's 27. Things have been pretty good. We fell in love about 1.5 months ago, and have been saying I love you and all that. He was raised by Christian missionary parents under very strict and fundamentalist Christian doctrine, and it wasn't until he was 25 (2 years ago) that he left the religion. So he is still quite focused on Christianity and the bible, at least the study of it and denying it. His parents taught him that sex is meant only for marriage and it should never be experienced by two unwed people. However, he has had sex with 4 girls in the last 2 years, but has only done it a total of something like 8 times. From what I understand, none of the experiences were all that great.

We have been playing "hand games" (as my college friend calls it) since the beginning, and I have been going down on him for the last 3 months (although not very often). He has yet to go down on me, even though he knows it's my absolute favorite thing. I have been asking for it for almost 3 months now. I have also been asking for sex for probably 2.5 months now. He keeps saying he's not ready and that he doesn't foresee being ready in the near future. This wouldn't bug me that much, except I get the feeling he won't be ready for a long time. I have much more experience than him, almost 6 years worth, and at least 85% of it was positive. I love having sex, especially with someone I care about, and I so want to have sex with him. But he keeps saying he's not ready, even though he really wants to have sex with me. I don't think the desire is an issue, as he gets hard when we're together, and is obviously very turned on by me. I think the biggest part is the leftover Christian morals that were instilled in his brain.

So my deal is this. I would like to continue dating him, but this sex thing is really hurting our relationship. Yesterday he said I might be "sexually dysfunctional" because I want/need sex so badly. I don't think that is the case. I haven't had sex in 6 months, and what normal human wouldn't be antsy after that long? Especially when (s)he spent the last 4 months dating someone, when sex should be readily available!

He has told me he will never date a religious girl, yet he seems to want to delay sex until marriage (even though he's had it before). I'm trying to get him to understand that he will never meet a non-religious girl who will abstain from sex for a long time. It's just impossible. The only reason people abstain until marriage is for religious reasons... why else would you? And even then... the vast majority of religious people I know have had premarital sex. Most of his friends are from his Christian college, so they are in their late 20s and still virgins. He just has this skewed view of reality when it comes to premarital sex. I understand why it's so skewed, but at the same time, he needs to realize it's so skewed.

So I guess I am not quite sure what to do. I know I can't change him, but I know I can also guarantee he'll never meet a girl who will fit his criteria (non-religious and abstinent). I feel like my relationship with him would be great if he would just have sex with me... or at the very least go down on me!

I am just looking for some advice. Sorry this post is so incredibly long. Thank you in advance to those of you who respond!