Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

Hail Citizens!

If I were there I would swath you from hair to toe in the perfumed entrails of recently killed platypode and then treat you to the looping, high-stepping dance of my people.

I would serve you pickled tree barks and aromatic mosses that evoke a splendorous age once forgotten.

To enchanting beats I would twist my supple body from one luxurious position to another whilst indulging the exotic whims of each and every one of you.

Sadly, I can not attend.