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Originally Posted by lurkette
First, overthinking is what I do best 
Second, I don't know that I am overthinking it...I see a lot of people go into parenthood with "love to spare," and they think that love will pretty much carry the day. And it does, in the end, at the bottom line...but in between, they're miserable, cranky people because they spend their entire days focused on keeping this little person fed and dry and healthy and alive, and it's fucking draining! For me, it's not about the love...it's about how I want to spend that love. Do I want to spend it on my husband and friends, or on my community, or do I have what it takes to spend it ungrudgingly on an utterly dependent little munchkin who seems to be hell bent on self-destruction? |
Truth be told - I had to come back to add the "love to spare comment" because I couldn't think of anything at all at the time. As it stands, I could only come up with a cliche. Yes, I suck, but at least I admit to it.
I think that just about everyone on this board, including you, will admit to being "an utterly dependent little munchkin who seems to be hell bent on self-destruction" for a good portion of their life. That was actually sort of my point. A few years ago, I reconnected with one of my friends from elementary and middle school, and we spent an afternoon recapping the various ways that we tried to kill ourselves and each other. The consensus was that it was amazing that we both survived to adulthood until my wife rightfully pointed out that neither of us is particularly special in that regard. We could start an entirely separate thread on the stupid stuff you did as a kid but somehow survived (anyone else ever try jumping off the roof into a tree?), but honestly that's not the point here. The point is that all kids are stupid all the time. They may know enough not to drink the stuff under the sink, but they don't know not to tow their little brother who's in a wagon down a hill with their bike at top speed. (I think Chris is still picking gravel out of his arms after that one.)
I know that I still spend love on my wife, my friends and my community now that I'm a dad, but I will admit to re-prioritizing things. My immediately family now definitely comes first, where my wife might have slipped by the wayside if there was something that I wanted to do with friends. Now, that rarely happens, if ever. But that's my experience. Yours will necessarily vary.