phew. Sure you don't want a nice abacus?
OK for the computer, you're right -they're dumb. If the mobo fries the first thing you do is either thoroughly test or replace the power supply.
As for the ethernet card. Try this. take the card out - start the computer. Now put it back in, preferably in a different slot from the original one if the motherboard has more slots to use. That should prompt windows to try and reinstall the card.
With the laptop, that's gonna involve disassembly. I mean no offense, but based on the knowledge level I'm seeing in your posts, it's not something you want to attempt - - laptops are bizarre things on the inside and it takes some doing to get them taken apart while still being able to put them back together.