abaya

I'm just one data point here, but I'll give you my testimony...(which I already started, earlier in the thread).

It was destructive for me to pin so much of my self-worth on my virginity... the whole idea of "purity" is royally fucked up, and it screwed with my head big time. Even though in some ways I am glad that I didn't start having sex until I was 24 (mostly because I didn't get pregnant or any serious STD's, but that was by sheer chance after my first time), you must agree that the way in which I--and no doubt, many of the girls I went to school with who made similar promises, then broke them... or, who got married very young, to have sex, and are now divorced before age 30--left my virginity was NOT ideal in any way.

I do believe that if I had not been socially and spiritually led to believe that virginity was worth waiting for marriage, I would have been better equipped to make my own decision at a younger age, building up my self-confidence from inside rather than from an external body of people (e.g. church, youth group, etc). I hope my own future children have no such pressure on them, whether from us as parents or their own peer group.

Certainly, I think it's best to wait until a mature age to start having sex, and to do it safely... that is in the best interest of any child, and I will promote that idea with my own future children. But to link that to a spiritual sense of "purity" and acceptance within a group of people... that's just complete and total mind-fuckage.

And I WAS an insider, as inside as you can possibly get... up to my eyeballs in Jesus-loving evangelicalism. This whole issue was one of the numerous factors that pushed me away from the entire deal... the utter lack of common sense, no matter how well-intentioned or God-centered it appeared to be.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran