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Brew it seems your daughter has a real rapport with her mom. I'd encourage that, even it it seems that she is shutting you out at times. Maybe she identifies more with her mom in this situation, and that is a good thing. She is a young lady who has lost a young man who is/was dear to her, something her dad cannot/may not be able to fully understand (in her thought process.)
In the meantime, you seem to be doing all you can - just being available for her, being there and real for her. That's what she needs, I believe, parents who are real and are there for her. And who love her, no matter what.
Is there a chance you can spend some time with her, just asking "off topic" questions? Like, "what do you like about your friends?", "why do you like ........(insert current Ipod favorite)" and, if it leads to it, "What did your friends think about your relationship with ..... (I'm sorry, I don't know his name)".
If you ask these questions with an attitude of "I just want to know", as opposed to "I want to fix you", then you might get an answer. Go with the flow, info wise. It will take time.
But you must ask these questions as you do something else, such as eat McDonalds, or Ice Cream (really nice, creamy cones is best, I think)
If you haven't had much father/daughter times in the past, it might be difficult to build up to it now. But that is not a reason to not try. Keep trying, Brew, and don't give up. I believe it will pay off.
Oh, and indeed, God bless your wife - she's a good one!
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(none yet, still thinkin')
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